The Worst News Station Ever
by TheMagicalTapeworm
Summary: What happens when various Kingdom Hearts characters work at a news station? Everything... From Michael Jackson documentaries, to digging in the ground to find the sky. They report it all. PURE CRACK! Don't like randomness? Don't read.


**Just... don't ask... Read... xD**

We now present you with the latest in TV news stations!

The TV Station 101! Live with the following news anchors:

Kairi

Olette

Naminé

And the one and only,

Potato Farmer!

Olette: Would you like to start us off oh so ever lovely Potato Farmer?

Potato Farmer: Hell no.

Naminé: Fine then, you tards-

Turd Farmer: Thats POTATO to you Mr.!

Kairi: WTF?!?!?! BURN!

Naminé: Welcome to the new news station! We offer the latest in news! Our grand News Station Name is...the Damn Intelligent News Group with Brocolli And Terrific Strawberries! Or the DINGBATS!!!

Potato Farmer: I prefer to call us the STABGIND, which is DINGBATS backwards!

Kairi: DUH! How could you not know that!

Olette: Up first is the ever so lovely Roxas reporting from Magical World on a horrific accident involving a spatula and some fried potatoes!

Roxas: Yes ever so beautiful Olette, you grace us with your presence, even on TV.

Naminé: GET ON WITH THE REPORT!!!! *slams fist on Olette's face*** **She isn't pretty anymore, now get on.

Roxas: Shut it. Olette will always be beautiful-

Kairi: *Throws potato at Roxas' image over TV, but accidentally hits camera man, and it shows a video of Cloud*

Naminé: WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!?! ALL THESE BLONDE EMO KIDS INFESTING MY BRAIN!!!!!

Olette: Hey, your blonde too!

Cloud in the video: I LOVE YOU KAIRI!-

Kairi: Shut your face! -Throws potato at camera person again, and it switches to an article on the dangers of fat kids and pie-

Xemnas: If you are in the way of a fat kid and pie, you will surely perish and the DARK LORD WILL RISE AGAIN AND EAT YOUR FACE!!! BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY!!! YOUR PIE!!!

Kairi: -throws a potato at the article of Xemnas-

Olette: Please, can we get another camera person and an intern to stop bringing me coffee, I already have about 4 cups of it and I don't even like the stuff. Where the hell do all these interns come from? Get one to pin down Kairi and take away the supply of potatoes.

Kairi: NURR!!!!

Naminé: Just, stop the news. Please, Potato Farmer has collapsed over here, and I have a migraine, just STOP THE -

-Bleep-

Now, for the credits.

If you have any concerns, just remember to watch these satisfied customers, and pretend you are them. You are happy, you are a good person-

-from background Naminé shots- JUST ROLL THE CREDITS!

Marluxia: This news station has ruined my life-

Axel: This news station sucks-

Vexen: I LOVE THIS NEWS STATION!

Marluxia: I don't like this station

Axel: You suck!

Vexen: It provides me with all the latest-

REALITY CHECK- Nobody cares.

Marluxia: I have no life thanks to this news crew-

Axel: Your mom sucks!

Marluxia: There are no Disney characters anywhere

Axel: Your life sucks

Vexen: COMPUTER!!!

Axel: And most of all... im EMO

Olette, Kairi, Naminé: Good night everybody!

....

Demyx: But what the world didn't know... Was that the camera person has a illness that prevents him from hitting the bright, rainbow button on the camera that turns it off. So, we have everything they did on tape... Hehehe

....

Naminé: BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!!!

Kairi: Oh, just SHUT UP! So what, Sora called me, BIG DEAL!

Olette: KAIRI! CAN YOU PLEASE HOOK ME UP WITH HIS BROTHER... You know... Meven Moster?

Naminé: Who in their right mind names their kid Meven Moster!

Olette: I HAPPEN TO LIKE HIS NAME!

Kairi: I wonder if he is Mickey Mouse in disguise!

Naminé, Kairi, Olette: POINTLESS HEROIC MUSIC TIME!!!!!!

-heroic music plays as they do nothing-

Naminé: BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!!!!

-Riku walks in- -Sephiroth theme song starts playing on the radio-

Riku: -kicks the radio at a hobo (A/N:Yes... there are hobos in news stations... Where else would they be? On the streets? HOBOS HAVE EVOLVED!) - Dude... What happened to the news broadcasting? Surely you aren't doing a article on bad dancing and the social issues children can have when their parents name them strange names...

Kairi: OH BURN NAMINE!!!!

Naminé: But I wasn't named a weird name...

Kairi: The dancing part... DURF!

Naminé: HOW DARE THEE! I STAB AT YOU -picks up a random pencil and runs around chasing Kairi-

Olette: -watching the Michael Jackson documentary- All of these moves are so... amazing~

Kairi and Naminé: WTF?!

Riku: I often find myself questioning if you all are on crack -sigh-... Well, maybe Kairi and Olette.... Not Naminé, because I _know _she is on crack -smiles and runs away from an enraged Namine-

Naminé: ARG! YOU LITTLE- MEVEN MOSTER KILLER!!!! -chases after Riku-

Olette: RIKU KILLED MEVEN MOSTER?!?!?! -runs after Riku to kill him-

Kairi: WHICH MEANS RIKU ALSO KILLED MICKEY MOUSE -runs after Riku to kill him also-

And then the camera man sneezed on the lens... and the camera melted...

* * *

**DO NOT ASK!!!! I was on a sugar high, which is hard without sugar... but anyways... Before hitting that review button, if you:**

**1 Do not have a sense of humor that understands this**

**2 Hate this in every single way**

**3 Think I have something against fat people, potato farmers, pie, or blond emo kids**

**4 Plan on flaming this**

**If you are one of the above, THEN DON'T REVIEW! If you have any ides, please send them to meh if you want them included! PEACE OUT!  
**


End file.
